You are here
3.1.1. Individual responsibility
Adulthood brings many responsibilities with it. First you need to search, find and furnitture a place to live, and buy clothing, food and other things. Then you have daily to cook and weekly to wash, clean, gardening, do-it-yourself jobs, and so on. And besides that you still have your societal responsibilities. That means continually weigh and choose what you want, can and first and afterwards will do and how you attune that with your environment and others. Because once you're officially an adult, you are personally responsible for the choices you make and the way you attune that to others.
Also in friendships and relationships you make choices. Choices you do better good to think about, as friendships and establishing relationships namely creates obligations. You are more intensively involved with the wishes and pursuits of the other and must attune both interests properly, without wrong one another.
Starting a friendship or relationship with an egoist means starting a friendship or relationships with someone who just does or wants to do what he or she wants.
Starting a friendship or relationship with an [whether or not consciously strategic] conformist, means starting a friendship or relationship with someone who mirrors like a chameleon to the environment and only wants what for him or her important others are wanting.
Yourself having no feelings of consideration with the wishes of others, but nevertheless wanting a friendship or relationship, means expecting from the other one that they mirror your will. In other words, that they make their wills subordinate to that of yours. Which means having unreasonable demands yourself and expecting from friendships or relationships that they tolerate unreasonable desires. And with that being unreasonable itself, as well in relation to themselves as to you and others.
Your will [consciously or not for strategic reasons] subordinate to [potential] friends, relatives and others, means your wishes pressing to the background [cconsciously or not, whether or not because you yourself have learned that in your childhood, or forced to do so] and that of others placing in the foreground. Which means harmful to yourself and undemocratic behaviour play into the hand. And therefore unreasonable, both in terms of yourself and towards others.
Not being reasonable yourself and starting friendships or relationships with people who also are [or wants to be] unreasonable, means, either strike up a fighting [whether hidden or not] over who is or may be the most unreasonable, or close deals to who, when and how may be unreasonable. In all cases, the reasonableness tastes defeat.
Every adult is responsible itself for the way he or she participates in the ffamily/culture and world/society/society. Even as they are selfish, conformistic, violent and [manipulative] dictatorial.
Every adult is responsible itself for the consequences of his or her choices. Even if there is little or no thought about or [for some reason] is copied. Also, if we let ourselves be influenced or bullying by the family and others. The consequences of our conscious and unconscious choices can never, ever be shift on to others. Even if we later on regret.
- The consequence of starting a friendship or relationship with an egoïst means constantly keep the likes of another in mind without receiving anything in return, because an egoist is only interested in themself and his or her performance, appearance, wishes and disappointments. If that one don't want certain things or don't like that, he or she just does not do it and let it 'just' to others. If that other person there - whether with arguments or not - [still] set limits on, distances themself or disconnects the friendship or relationship, the selfish is or angry if not infuriated, or is immediately looking for a new victim, or blackmails the other[s] with pettiness, 'helplessness', self-pity and slander ['look what that person did to me'].
The consequence of starting a friendship or relationship with a [wether or not conscious strategic] conformist means friendship or relationship with a chameleon; you never know what the other person wants itself. He or she does the one time what you want, the next time what his or her family wants, then what his or her colleagues and bosses want, then what his or her [other] friends want, then what societies, religions, political parties, cultures or the general opinion of conformists, led by the media want, and when there are children, what their kids want. To satisfy all of them, he or she usually makes a combination of it and then says that it's his or her identity to do what others want. And then be sick of it or complaining that no one is paying attention to his or her, that he or she is so busy doing what another want, that he or she never does what he or she wants itself, that don't know any more, or can't choose because there will be always someone whom might want something different.