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On Sunday, March 10, in the VPRO-Books program, Angela Wals told about her book "A boy who wanted to fail". About a recently met friend who turned out to have a criminal past. She went in search of the how and why and what it had done to those involved. And she examined the regret level. That turned out not to be that easy. Regret is out of the question. Not done. Not hip..., an expert said. You don't have that... says the society shamelessly. "Only in front of the judge you are supposed to have regrets." Her story and her search for what crime does with victims and with perpetrators...., I recognized it like no other.
It immediately intrigued me. No regrets ... Just like Wals, the first thing that comes to mind is: how can you? Without regret you will not learn after all. Imagine that the society massively doesn't regret, unless strategically, because it provides benefits. For the judge for example....
In the days that followed, this became the subject of research. Both on a personal and social level.
Because there is a lot going on in the world right now. The numb reactions and blunt choices and decisions are flying around you. Just like all kinds of accusations and victim behavior..., both of the same people and of the actual victims. Although a large part of the latter group is silent. Often for years. Because it doesn't work anyway. Since they have no regrets. The narcissists, conformists and slaves are after all the boss in the family and in the [working] society. The narcissist elitist at the top, the conformist economically in the middle and the slave service below. The others don't exist. Those are the excluded ones. They belong either to those whose heads have been cut off because they protrude above the narcissistic cast field, or because they don't fit into the conformistically cultivated image, or because they fell mentally or physically sick or exhausted out of this. [Compare the labor camps and concentration camps in the past and nowadays].
Seen from this context, regret is indeed not done. Since the top layer, the narcissists, don't like it. Narcissists don't make mistakes, after all. They have measured themselves into a divine position. Honor your mother and your father, isn't it.... Because as long as you act in her and his spirit you are doing well. And that creates a bond isn't it. Isn't it a narcissistic then a conformistic or slavish or excluded bond. And oh dear if someone tries to disrupt or break that bond..., there will be hell to pay...
Regretting is learning from your mistakes. And so, for a self-critical person like me, daily costs. I couldn't live without it. For me, learning is playing with your development. Daily refinement. Discovering, comparing, researching and integrate what's good. And therefore inevitably making mistakes. Imagine I didn't do that. I don 't even want to think about it....